Starcrash

I had planned on watching a whole bunch of movies on a train ride this weekend. I only managed to watch one, and that movie was the camp classic Starcrash. How do I best describe Starcrash? Let's see... Remember the Simpsons joke where Mr. Burns said "Get me Steven Spielberg," and Smithers says "he's not available, sir," and Mr. Burns says, "then get me his non-union, Mexican equivalent!"? Starcrash is Star Wars made by George Lucas' non-union, Italian equivalent, Georgino Lucasetti, who, incidentally, has never seen Star Wars.

Starcrash follows the adventures of scantily-clad space outlaw Stella Starr, on a planet hopping journey along with a weird psychic guy with a jew-fro, a robot with a strangely out-of-place accent, and a young David Hasselhoff. If that doesn't pique your interest, then this movie is not for you.

It's kind of a hard movie for me to judge. I watched it alone, and movies like this are always so much better with friends. As a so-bad-it's-good movie, it has it's moments, but overall, I think it's just OK. The acting is laughable, as are the special effects. Stella Starr's performance is like if a porn star was acting in a kids' TV show. The robot's voice is baffling, and he has some hilarious lines. The jew-fro guy might have been the funniest.

Starcrash would work as a great first movie in a double bill with Barbarella. You would definitely want to save Barbarella for last, though, because that movie is just divine. Barbarella manages to be hilarious and subversive both on purpose and unintentionally, it manages to create a unique and fun space-fantasy universe, and it does so in that wonderful, sexy, mid-60's mod style. Starcrash, on the other hand, oozes that 70's feeling, where everything and everyone looks covered in a coat of oil. Not nearly so appealing. Stella Starr is no Jane Fonda.

Both movies do have one thing in common, something that a lot of European B-movies share: Very good music.

Also, I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I think this movie might have fans in the industry. I recognized bits that I thought might have been referenced in Roman Coppola's CQ and Luc Besson's The Fifth Element.

So I guess my verdict on Starcrash is still undecided. I enjoyed watching it, but I think I might have liked it more with some friends present. Still, it's worthwhile if you like cult movies, bad movies, and camp classics. I will probably watch it again.

No grade for this one. I don't think I can objectively grade a movie I'm watching for all the wrong reasons.